reflections n motivations..

went to pasir ris today...was accompanying dar home to put down his newly bought laptop...

there was a strange feeling felt when the familiar environment came to my eyes... i thought of the stuff which had happened one n a half week ago back here... i saw the roads, the pavement and the trees...i heard the sea, the waves and the sand.. n felt the seabreeze... something held my mind from wandering...the scence where we once stood by the shore...those words tat still linger back in my mind... for a moment, i thought of u... but when dar held my hand, i knew better than anyone that some things are meant for memories only... ...

dar accompanied me all the way back to clementi for GAW meeting...everything went on very smoothly after tat....but when i reached home, i saw a white envelope on my table...

i knew it was from u...i was surprised to see the amount of effort u had put in...i was indeed touched by it...the story of a liar n a fool... then i realised the wordings fr behind the photo... ... a simple "sorry" was what u have in exchange for an explanation...great i thought...u have just proof to me tat i m indeed a fool... ...
thanks for the story anyway... the story ends with us as good frens...

having been living on this earth for 20 yrs, this one year in nus is really one of my most difficult times...been through so many ups n downs, seen so much stuffs tat have been happening around me and my frens...i can only say, this is part n parcel of life...it is also part of the package of finding ur happiness as well... if none of these has happened, i will be still as innocent n naive as i was a year ago... now tat i had seen much, as observer as well as participant, i knew where the true of happiness lies... ... it is only after u had suffered n lost much of urself then will u be able to cherish wat u really have now... my rp mates, my dar n all my frens who have nv been untruthful to our frenships tat we had built... ...

this is for u...

i nv regret knowin u...nv regret helping u cut watermelons, give leaflets in the rain, demo for ur free fall game at sentosa, go sch together, catch movie n have steamboat to recee for ur game without u showin up... till shopping at bugis n tat afternoon at sky garden... i nv had regretted any moments... ...

i wasnt lying when i realised part of me doesnt belong to me... i lost this part of me to u but u nv have treasure it... for at least i didnt know if u did... ... ya u were nv sensitive to wat i was feeling all along...i was hurt for as many times as u talked rudely n angrily to me... i kept wondering y u treat me so badly...m i deserve to be one? i was sad whenever u did tat to me...u nv realised i was feeling hurt rite? i know u didnt...i wouldnt be surprise if u said u nv wanna bother to think abt how i feel... i felt scare for i dunno when have i done wrong to make u talk angrily to me...
i have been struggling through my emotions...to the point of seeing u so close to some other girls which then i told myself, i m foolish enough to have waited for u...silly enough to pray for ur safetly n happiness at the wishing well... i prayed for u as many times as i walked past the temple... u nv knew too...

da pian zi da pian zi... ... i didnt know u noticed me callin u by this... do u know y i call u da pian zi ma?? ... coz u once pian zou wo de xin... ... X*h*, i would v much like to go back to the old times but i hope u realise we cant now...

once u let go of the strip, the balloon will fly into the sky... ... unless u try all might to reach for that strip, if not the balloon will nv return...

海水已变成了泪水 一半的海洋属于你。。。

请你好好的保护我给你的回忆 因为我不会忘记。。。 。。。

thanks for everything...i m sorry for everything too...

havent been bloggin for long...have been busy going out...also was away in archit camp...
many many things have happened...wasnt updated as much but still i know quite abit to leave some comments ya...

firstly to jer: congrats!!! i m so shocked tat day when i first saw ur msg! totally shocked! but well, i believe u had made the right choice...clare was ard to help u too...move on with ur happening life!! hahaha!!...all the best ya:)

clare n cand: so sorry tat i havent been talkin to u 2...have been busy...so so sorry ya...i will make up for it soon k:) cand, pls take care...dun work too hard k? rem to go home more often... clare, dun slack at home all day! go out k:) dun think too much though:)

ping: sch has started for u...work hard n play hard too! just rem to have ur meals regularly k:) u are slim hor! also, u have to move on ya:) dun drag there...no use...:) jia you!

this part of the blog is for u...i guess u will be reading...just a matter of time rite?...
for L: thanks for everything tat u have done...i m thankful to have a great fren like u... i really enjoyed the friendship we have:) and the many memories tat we had shared...but i hope u will understand tat in most cases, things dont usually happen the way we want it to be... i have already put a stop on the v day at suntec sky garden... i have moved on n had found my happiness... i hope u will move on as quickly and go back to your ownself ya...:)i m very sorry to have created so much troubles for u... i shldnt have n i m v sorry for wat i have already done to u...pls pls forgive me...

feeling guilty...

realised i havent been blogging for the past few days...coz no in the mood to blog n also alot of stuff cant be blogged out...
for the past few days, i have been thinking alot... or shld i say i m also escaping it?

last tue: went ecp to shan xin...sat by the breakwater rock for 5 hours just by watching the ocean waves hitting against the rock...after tat went to watch vcd...my fren lent me the winter sonata vcd

last wed: went to help out in SDE rag...brought my fren along...they are just weird...y are they so competitive in the rag thingy? y must they keep it to secretively? me just dun understand...well, got a cut off my hand while helping with the wire mesh...not big deed but my fren was rather anixous...

last thur: went for pathos first outing! watched war of the worlds....wow! i was scare n sad through out the whole show...so scary ..kept hidding behind my jacket...wanted to cry at some parts but hm... watching it with the wrong pple liao...haha...after tat, went settlers' cafe...had lunch n played games! so fun:)...went for mc meeting in the evening...hm..meeting ended fast:)

last fri: meeting with mervyn, zixiang , joy n ziping for csc sports day...i hate myself for being late all the time! i shldnt have this bad habit coz i hate it!! i need to change! meeting with the freshies were rather fun haha...after tat, went to the office with lionel then left to meet jer n clare for ktv... had been a long time since i last met them:) didnt sing many songs...just 4 ba...but did try my fav song...jolin's tian kong...nice song:)

today...my fren met me at my void deck n had lunch together before going for touch seniors...the first elderly is as old as my grandma...she speaks hokkien i dont understand at all but i managed to help her buy her medicine with ziping...the rest helped to clean the house...Second elderly is a hainanese! haha realised my dialect rather weak...but he was glad to hear me speak abit :) he has got intestine cancer...is at the final stage..he looks so healthy n strong..but actually he is waiting for the day to come...i cant imagine.....i will be v affected...third elderly is a malay lady...shared alot of stories with us but was in malayu...dont really understand but can see tat she is v sad n emtional..she made alot of herbs n also she helped collect funds for the children home...she is so kind...before we left her house, she helped us read our present..she knows alittle of tarot...she said tat i m kind-hearted n likes to help but will choose who to help...n also i trust pple too easily..she advised me to help those whom i know n that lend money to pple whom i know only too....i got a shock coz i just lent a fren money...faint** dun scare me ya:)
well, i will be meeting them 2 weeks later:) thought of making sth for them:)

tml: can project at amk at 915am! wow super early! scare i cant wake up! hopefully my fren's sms can wake me up!! haha ...will be working till evening...wow i will be tired after tat for sure

i m trapped in the mist of toying n treasuring...