to remind myself...

suddenly feel like writing on my dreams... coz i just met a fren who shared the same dreams as me...:)

i love the sun... catching the sunrise n sunset by the beach with my Mr Right...
the sea...standing by the shore, distinguishing the horizon among the mist while the sea waves rushes up to the shore washing against our feet...
the sky... enjoying the baby blue sky under the leaves of a tree...trying to figure out wat are the clouds forming...
the stars...counting the stars at night while enjoying the ending of a day...

i have these fantasies since i was young...i long to have these fantasies turn into reality...but i knew it will nv happen....i have always been reprimanded by my frens to stop all these fantasizing but well, i still cant do so...i m stubborn though:) but when i realised there is actually someone who share the same fantasy with me, i m really v surprised! haha...

i m happy with my current life now :)

had a v meaningful day today:)

ystd i was down...but luckily a gd fren of mine made today a wonderful day for me:) thanks alot..

early in the morning, we went shuang lin temple to pray...haha first time to pray so early in the morning...but the feeling was great:) i pray for my frens' safetly n happiness at the wishing well..this fren of mine prayed for mine:) oh i m so touched...

went to toa payoh central to have lunch then my fren suggestted to go east coast! wow! i really wanna so much to go n be with the ocean! we sat there n chatted v long while enjoying the breeze...really nice n sweet...
then we went to visit an elderly in SGH...lixian bought her grapes but in the end, she offered us...we ate more grapes than her la...haha...but was glad to hear that she is fine le...i might be joining this rvp too..touch seniors...will be going for the first visit on 2nd july

after tat we went orchard for dinner...before tat we were walkin ard...omg...just merely by walking i can buy 2 pairs of shoes lor...hehe i aimed v long liao lor...then not v exp also ..hehe ...my fren say the shoes nice lor..:)

really thanks ya:) i enjoyed myself today....hope everyday will be the same as today!!

camp aftermath

wow just woke up after a good deep sleep of 12 hours! finally get to sleep so long in the past 6 days! though my whole body aching, i still have v sweet dreams last night..u wouldnt believe tat i was actually smiling in my dreams lor!!

the camp was GREAT! really wonderful! i knew i will nv regret joining the camp! the pre-camp was a day where the whole camp counciliors came together as one big family...everyone helped in making sure tat the admin n logistics stuff are ready for the next 5 days..everyone was so cooperative n helpful...i m really touched coz the teamwork in csc is really strong:)

first day of the camp was my prog...internal hunt...abit busy n gan chong but hey , everything went smoothly! i m really v glad to all station ic for their help:) n of course the freshies n kc n akc! the MJ was fun too! haha finally, is my turn to sabo pple!! yeah!! hahaha!!

second day was external hunt..our grp was v punctual for all stations haha! though we dun have v loud cheer in the first few days, our grp was v punctual!! yeah!! hahaha...cluedo was fun too!! our grp was v intelligent la!! hahaha got v smart freshies!! solved the puzzles in no time!! yeah!!!

third day was mass games n ethelonther idol...hahah the mass games was shiok too! hahaha....the first mass game station was like SDU la..hahaha... my freshies really wonderful! they act out advertisement for the idol...wow! they really a v funny grp of freshies!! well done!!

fourth day was sentosa n nightmwalk!! hahah the peak of the camp!!! everyone super high!!!! me too!! though the journey fr station to station was far, we really had great fun!! we even dump our station ic into water!! i must really say my grp v smart! they use mouth to pass the playing card instead of their faces!! we counciliors cant even to that during trials la!! n u know wat, they did it once!! best man!!! n we won the finale!!!! though i was abandoned by them, we stil won the game!!!! THREE CHEERS TO PATHOS!!! hahaha the fright was good!! i act as a red chong san ghost! managed to scare some freshies! one male freshies is more scare than the girl la! faint**
i shouted n screamed like mad...no voice till the end...hahaha...but it was fun!!! the makeup was v er xin la!! so red!! then zebra still come n look for me...still tell me tat i look pretty in the chong san! yeks! hahaha..btw, got one cac guy said i look cute! hahaha...ops:)

hey, i really have great fun in the camp...with my new grp as well as my old diathesis grp... we diathesis still have a cheer for the camp pple n also we still v onz n close in the camp!!! thanks diathesis!!
thanks the oc too! thanks everyone in the camp who have make the camp so memorable n wonderful!! nv have such great fun for long! without the help of any single one member of the counciliors, the camp wouldnt have been so successful!thanks bryan, ziping, sujun, lixian n liangyu!

i have seen enough though...have so much emtions during these 5 days of camp...i was high in the day with my freshies, tired late at night n sad before i sleep....
i hope everything ends soon..for i m tired to carry on...

ready for anything ...

ystd was a tiring day for me ..though i didnt do much but i guess i went to many places ...then didnt really have the appetite to eat anything..just dessert n soups lor...

was preparing the frightnight..then stomachache came along....haiz...
tat cheongsan i wore was super hot! so er xin...haiz but well, i managed to scare ziping! haha
i tot i would have ruin the station lor..coz i cant act ...but for the effect to be good, i volunteered to act as one red female ghost:) after the trial, headache came..gosh..this is bad....rest in the clubroom while waiting for the rest of the pple to come back for debrief...was a super long wait...

the ride home ystd seems far... ...

camp is coming...tot of bringin my laptop along... but i dun think i have the time to check mails tot haha...think i will be super lack of sleep throughout the camp...i hope everything will turn out smoothly in the camp...i m ready for anything...i m prepared for the worst to come...
i dun hide n i dun act... i treat everyone truthfully...:(

i gave up ...

i have always been myself...i have nth to hide...this is the true me...i dun wanna change becoz of anyone...i change for myself's sake... i dun act i dun hide...

i heard it today...guessed i have already knew the truth... u have always been like this..so no big deed to u ya...well for me, i m learnin to disgest it down my throat now... dun worry i m still alive...though u dun even care now...

i just wish u are happey:)

i m lost...

hey wat is happenin to me huh? wat's wrong? i really dunno understand myself...getting to hate myself more...

it wasnt suppose to be like this at all... it went the wrong direction! save me! pls save me! i dun wanna be trapped in the pit again... i m scare...
i m tired too...tired to act non-chalant...haiz.... pls keep me busy...for at least i wouldnt think abt it for a moment...

蜻蜓淀水， 你就像只蜻蜓一样， 淀了足够的水后， 就轻飘飘地飞走了， 不留下一点的思恋。。。

wishing all my frens to be happy..:)

just came back from my second sis's bf house...went there to play mahjong...not too bad, i won $1.60 haha... is a friendly family..:)

i signed in onto msn the moment i came back...well, i guess as usual, the same scenario... i m disappointed...

read my babes blogs as well as ah ping's...have sth to tell u all...

jer: dun be pissed of by ur parents ya..i tot they are funny though:) ...n i wanna tell u that u dun have to worry abt the misunderstanding ya...i not angry... this misunderstanding is passing by for me le... n i nv have excluded anyone of us ya..even for ping...no matter wat, we still the best of frens ya! ping too:)

clare: i heard abt the new story of him le...wat i can say is tat guys cant be trusted...i m disappointed in him...nv tot tat he could change his way of thinkin so fast... clare, guys are guys...haiz.. hope u can get over asap...dun forget abt our frens tat we have yet to intro to u ya:) hehe...

cand: u are busy ya...over the hall stuffs..but dun overwork yourself kk? u seem to be under alot of pressure lately...stay cool:) n i understand u angry with someone u v close to ya...hm...explain to her ya..she will not do it again coz she will respect u this time rd ya:) stay happy! i dun wanna see u so stressed the next time we meet ya:) jia you!

ping: guessed u v angry with cartel ya..with almost nth to serve customers rite? hehe..dun worry ya..is not ur fault...u did ur best le..u have overwork urself le...take care k? u still as blur n as weak haha...so pls watch ur way when chasing for bus hor:) the stitches are painful lor..:) ping, stay strong...u will get over soon...:) jia you too!

finally for myself: wat i wanna say abt myself is tat i simply cant take u out of my mind for the time being..so i guess the only way for me to get rid of u is to work out... in fact, being with csc pple i m already w grateful le...coz they are really v nice pple..like rh kh bryan zp dennis liangyu etc.. i dun wanna fall into pits now ...not now not in the future too...my ambition is to be a nun..believe it or not ya... i have given up in guys..truly disappinted with guys...

btw i just saw a gay couple at my house void deck before i reached home...faint**

dun ever ask me y i m not attached or y nobody woos me..i dunno k? i guess the answer is obvious..haha coz i not sociable n i m a bad girl ya:) haha...

n ya i dun like guy who anyhow make frens... esp at suntec!! ... sorry hor, i hate guys to make frens this way...is too low-class... btw, if guys wanna do tat, pls make sure u arent fair n fat n ard 30 yrs of age hor, girls definitely not interested in knowing u... i dun understand y they are still this type of way of knowing pple along the streets de... so not sincere at all... tat day incident scare me to death la...but luckily i gues it will nv happen again to me...great...

day end with a moody me

went alexandra hospital in the morning to help out paint the mural....we did the outline n were ahead of the schedule...great i tot... wondering how will it turn out to be at the end with everything beautifully painted... tot of going back help out on more days but then i m quite taken back by the pple who are going to help out too..coz i scare they ask me abt results again... i lost...

went home..tot of going for a jog but then the moment i lied onto the bed, i fell asleep..sorry clare....tot of meetin clare shop de but then i was in lalaland..:( woke up just in time to go sch for nightwalk trial..

hm...no appetite for dinner...drank mango juice...
started preparing for my station..with renhong n juncai...
my station can be quite creepy coz of the items we placed... offerings la...joss sticks la...lanterns la...scary...luckily i was with renhong lor..someone i close to..if not , i will either be scare to death in silence or i will scream till my last breath ends... so tiring hidding under the table...still have to throw slippers at clare n her parnter la...bypass my station without getting the clue...

went home on train..is a long way home...but luckily renhong pei me ...coz actually he wanted to take the other route home but joo chuan kept askin him to pei me take this route home...chatted with him alot... though got him to pei me, i still sad n moody...haiz long story....

fish lost among the coral ... ...

emotionally unstable!!

omg! i cant believe wat u say...no is not ME!! i really didnt!! is not me...is not me!!!
u made me cry liao la...

went for mass trial today...tired...got dragged out of bed...went there realised oc dun really need to be involved coz enough pple liao...haiz ...nvm la ..went there to slim down...did some 500 skipping...not bad...coz it has been long since i last skipped...played frisbee as well...sweat under the hot sun...hm...great i tot..coz can tan more..haha luckily i wasnt burn n not peeling...

after trial, clare renhong n i went shopping at bishan j8...bought stuffs tat i really wanna buy long ago...bought a fila cap! is nice! i like it v much...gotta wear during sentosa trial haha....bought a pair of slippers coz the recent one abit spoilt...bought a white skirt...is sweet ..not too bad...quite nice haha....then lastly bought a peach coloured dress...wow is 70%! at first was $50 now only $12! haha...can wear to my sis wedding dinner....abit mature looking but ya is a sweet dress...

came back to settle the work thingy...haiz...cant confirm anything also...still have to wait for the person in charge to finish dating first..haha... then after called my fren to chat...argh! realised he v bu yao lian! haha u know who u are huh...haha..but well, is a nice chat although i feel like giving u a tight slap after tat!!

sleepin soon, whole body arching...esp my shoulders...pain pain..*sobsob...