an angry me...realised how native i was ...

suppose to be a happy blog today becoz i went back TPY to give Jer a bday surprise...Jer happy bday!...hope we really did give u a BIG surprise:)

but well, all these happy emotions had been replaced by great anger!

i just cannot imagine u used the 3 words to scold me..n scolded behind me...n to someone else abt me!!
FINE! to think that i treat this friendship so pure n nice, with no illintentions or wat at all..as fairly treated as i could..u treated this friendship differently.. u used WAT THE FUCK ON ME! u jollywell know tat i dun like vuglar words n you used such a NICE ONE on me...use it in front of me n not behind me!... i m SO SO DISAPPOINTED IN U! i nv expect u to use such vuglarity on me, nv expect u to scold me by complaining it to someone else...if i didn get to know today, i guess i will really be the stupidest pig ever alive in the world.. to think that i really treat u as my close fren, u did this to me... i felt more disappointed than angry...i dunno wat n who u are angry at, i tot was just askin u to do me a favour but i guessed this little favour took u great pains n precious time, so sorry tat i was blunt in knowing so...dun worry, i wouldnt trouble u anymore!

sudddenly recall wat my sis once told me...she told me that friends cant be trusted..even the closest ones...human are bad n evil n are decieving people in nature..not a single one fren can be trusted...i pushed this concept v strongly away many years back then...coz i tot every single frenship that i have is true n pure in nature... but she told me that human are greedy n bad...even ourselves we are...she said my thinking was too innocent n naive...n that i have to change this preception soon before pple ard me made used of me...
i nv believe this till now.... although i met with this incident not only once le, i still choose to think that all human are good in nature...no one frenship bonded is for ill intentions....just that this particular incident made me realised how naive n easily taken i m even when i had turned 20...

by all means, i gave up le...i dun wanna know who n who is not true n faithfully in the frenships shared with me... i have no energy to think who n who is planning to make use of me....i m tired to think n i dun wish to know...i still prefer to perceive the world as gorgerous as a whole...

dunno why

went to sentosa on sat to suntan myself...with G n D
now i m in pain...red n burnt... shoulders n back hurt the most...cant carry bag properly...
need to apply moisturzier but hands too short..cant reach my back...haizz..
well, at least now i look healtier...no longer the fair pale me...good:)

for 2 studio sessions, i have been waiting for nth...warren no time to crit us so have to go to darlene's house tml...haiz...built 3 models..dunno which to choose fr...hope darlene can help me out...
time running short for design...less than 3 weeks to do everything out...
need to start on my panels soon!

dunno why there is a sudden emptiness whenever i m alone in my room these few days... hm...not a good feeling to have...wondering why...issit becoz of my design? or my studies? or just me? well, i m too tired to figure which one... haha anyway i cant be bother le... lazy to find out as well...
could it be i have done sth wrongly?
could it be i have not yet done sth?
good questions but no answer

sadden by the society ...

went ktv today... think we are mad pple..haha...just go whenever we feel like singing
but well as usual, all our voices cannot make it coz all too tired le....
dun understand how we can stand singing till 2 la when we didnt even have sufficient sleep the night before...haha

had a good chat with a fren on one of days this week...
realised that the changes are far taking place too fast le... nv realised its speed ever before
is happening at such an alarming rate that i felt sad for our futures...
dun understand y this happen in the first place but well, amazingly i still acknowledged this fact n had accepted it...
well, i guessed there is no one to put blame on ...is the society itself that causes this change...
n so only the society can help to salvage this current situation n prevent more such changes fr happening....
i felt so helpless...but there is really nth that we can do now...
wonder wat are the impacts it will have in the near future to come...

if only this change can be undone...:(

my brithday...

13th march...the first day into my young adult world...i m 20 le...

sat mornin went for csc, open house in the afternoon, then went to meet my 3 lovely buddies for dinner...
they treat me to western food, bought me perfume (thanks! i like it alot! coz i have been eyeing for nice perfume but just cant find suitable one) n even wrote sth for me...all done up nicely in A2 sweet pink paper...i displayed it my room..hehhee
my god bro got me a necklace with my name encraved onto it...haha is jer chose one...
then went istana park n had a surprise there!..renhong, shundeng n my godbro turned up with cake n big heavy presents! haha...took many photos there too!
after that, went ktv n khoon hong turned up too!
A MILLIONS THANKS to clare, cand, jer, bro, kh, rh n sd!! i dunno how to show my greatest appreciation to all...i can only say thanks n thanks a million times over! i really appreciate the effort in plannin this surprise for me..i know how difficult the plannin is...so sorry tat changes have to be made along the way...
is really great n wonderful to know u all as my frens!Huggez to all!:)

went to meet singling n shuhui n her bf today for dinner..treat me to crystal jade n bought me a cheese cake too...haha super full today! i have put on weight for this bday! haha ...need to slim down!..thanks alot!!

i know my mum would like me to be at home today becoz she would like to buy me a cake as well, but i m so sorry tat i cant go home...becoz i have to do my design...so sorry... i have been neglecting my family members...but i already tried my best to sqeeze out time to go home le...hope they can understand...

a 20 lihui...
nth much would change
still the same...
ugly, low self-esteem, timid n silly

so much things had happened for the past few weeks...
had been thru heartbreaking times n cold n lonely days...
i thought i had grown more mature this time round...
but after so much time given n the effort that i have been trying to put in, it failed...
to think that i actually...
i reprimanded myself...

a 20 lihui...
must learn to look ahead positively
work hard for my studies
care more for my family
able to spend more time in helping the lovely children
to do my part well as frens, good frens n best frens
to give more to others

my lovely buddies! 

i m tired...seriously tired

this shall be my last blog on this issue le...

dragged to see doc today..seriously dun like seeing doc...
hate to be reminded of the past...hate the ECG test again
i think i got phobia with doctor

STRESS was the word i told doc
the only word that cross my mind to bluff him
n it works! haha...

u said u know that is not easy for me to act normal
u said that u understand
i tell u sth
u dun understand coz u nv know wat i have to go thru
is not only u
there is more than wat the eye meets
i m tired le...seriously tired le...

i understand how u feel
i understand wat u have to go thru
n i thought i ought to give u a chance to explain

anyway, i m really fine now...at least i m on the starting point ya
so to all my dear frens out there who have been reading my blog n had showered ur care n concern
i m really very thankfully to all :)
is very sweet to know that there is always frens whom will care for u even when we are miles apart ya
thanks a million to all..:)

had have enough... ...

i know u will be readin my blog
so here i m to tell u wat i m going to do

i m truly shocked
i thought i have myself prepared to take the blow
but i wasnt in fact
i dunno how many lies u have been lying to me
i dunno whichever part of ur speech is true or fake
i thought i was sincere in our friendship but i guessed u wasnt
i m so disappointed in u..in ur lies

i dunno wat u are going to do right now
all i know is that i m going to be a happy me
just as what MR C said to me, ignore this jerk
u made me used vulgar words on my frens
i m sorry to my frens

mel said i was stronger than this
so here i m
everyone i m fine!
i have no one in mind now so u dun have to worry

nevertheless, i still regard u as my fren