so nice n sweet to be together...

for the entire day, my stomach was aching...guessed it must be gastric flu..bought a bowl of wantan noodle but didnt finish it...ate abt one-third ba....
was thinkin abt my design after tat.....still cant really resolve the spaces yet...but the concept is there.....
went for colour n visions lect but dun understand wat the lect teachin....was i paying attention or was i smsin? not sure myself too....all i know is that i felt being dragged to the lect....
went to holland v to celebrate kenneth sim bday at crystal jade...haha is so nice n sweet to be together again...really really miss them alot...every single one of them...we all shared happy sweet nice little memories here n there..... ate the cake...smashed the other one on his face...haha he wasn angry but still play along...that is the right spirit!! i like it!! went ktv...haha our common unsaid activity! sang songs together...old n new songs...heard familiar voices....caught that sweet memory back.... to actually think that although we are now scattered into many different studios, we are still clickish....we still look out for one another....n we are still here singing ktv!.....

came home...saw a freaky doll in the corner of the lift..scare my life out of me lah...

was talkin abt being lonely in life with dan in the cab....told mel tat i think i going to be nun on msn... haha i think is really going to be true for me....seriously i dun see any good things in me.... just a irritating stupid silly girl out here.....nvm...is okie for me...i guessed i had reached that stage where i have resigned to the truth the fact the reality n the FATE....

realization

realised i still have this avoidance in me
realised i dun like hearin u
realised i dun like talkin to u

realised u felt the same too
realised u dun like talkin to me too
realised u dun like hearing me too

so good...less friction less hatred

missing piece or matching piece?

went chinablack last nite...hm...felt super extra coz i was the only one in white! but coz i dun have black ones! haizz..nvm...hm...got some irritating guys pestering my frens...haha...but nvm..they arent impt...went to have supper with my ex studiomates! great food great accompany but a tired me...haha coz i was in CB fr 10 lor till nearly 2am......so tired... went straight home n goes to bed...haha...

came home online today at abt 1pm...he was online as well....hm..we talked rubbish again...haha...talked almost abt everything n anything but still we didnt talk abt personal stuff...good good...coz i dun have to talk abt that also....haha....just simple pure chat is nice....then he left coz he needs to go to his sister's place...

he will be in sch tml...doing his stuff...haha poor fellow....

later i will be goin back hall coz all my stuffs are there...i need to study la...so haiz must go back hall... sian alone later again....

i see where is the missing piece...

i heard it again....
the same sentence u had mentioned before
u wouldnt realise u said it twice
u wouldnt know it actually hurts me
u wouldnt know coz i didnt know it myself either
till now i still qn myself
till now i ask y m i feeling sad over wat u had said?
till now i still qn myself
till now i realised i m missing the piece and not the whole...

missing piece

wanted to blog last nite but too tired le...so have to blog now...actually wat i want to blog abt is wat happen 2 days ago...haha...coz i cant connect to the internet when i m in the hall....sobsob...

fri nite....as usual ..alone in the hall....submission for the stupid vertical studio is finally over...dun like some of the yr 2 coz they think they so good then always so arrogant....wanted to help but cant contribute much coz they were still discussing wat to design for the lounge 3 hours before the submission time....weirdo pple! also they ignored the yrs 1 so they did everything fr desgin concept to ppt slides....haha so wat is left for the yrs 1 to do?.....model making? yup yup only part of the model was did by the yrs 1 coz 2 of the yrs 2 are more professional in model making......hahha so wat have i contribute? haha...the walls n parts of the partition....i dun even know wat was the concept....haiz...forget...just another week to let me slack ard....hahaha...
well...there is one yr 2 who is closer to the yrs 1 ...he understood how we yr 1 feel....n he was the joker ard....so good good....he added laughter to my week of sianness.... haiz...if only the rest of the yrs 2 are like him.....

in the hall...cant connect to net...super sian...called pple to help but they all not free...then cand called, zh called jer called...then again back to facing my stupid lappy...on the music coz is too too quiet in the night...i scare scare...was studyin while listenin to my fav songs...then came that song...i suddenly stopped studyin...i went to look through my photos of them...feel sad...suddenly my mind went blank...n the next moment i know was that i was hugging my pillow n eyes become watery.....also dunno y....wanted to blog but cant...wanted to talk on msn but cant...so everything cant cant cant...

then sat came.....super sian n sad coz i failed to find sth.....tot having lunch with my godbro n jer they all...but he last min cant make it....so we went shoppin at orchard...ate n talked...did nth much....then ended the day with checkin lots of mails n finally get to log on to msn....

live the day....

how many days have i not blog?...sch started...no time to blog...also in hall no connection to blog...no msn no net...i m bored n lonely in the confined cold room i have.....

came home today coz grandma missed me..true or not? dunno....but i miss my bed n the home-cooked food... i miss my winnie the pooh....i miss e comfort n warmth in the house....

bought more stuffs...more stuffs to bring tml morning....got dustbin, clothes, basket, containers, laptop....can i manage alone? or shld i ask my gor? or who can i ask??...i dun dare to ask anyone....i scare to ma fan them....so well i guess i will take back to hall myself tml morning...i can do it!

new studio new mates?...i wasnt close to cherie in the old studio but these 2 days, i knew her better...she is so lame la! well, dennis? haha same old dennis lor...e rest? robin-friendly...who else?? haha i dunno le....i miss my old studio....i miss xy, olivia, grace, wj, daniel, brandon, mel, shirong... ...how how? i wanna cry le....

this vertical studio then?...a waste of time coz i just dun feel committed in doing it...but still it is graded n stupid fong is our tutor...have to see him on thur...haizz no choice then....

live the day by slackin ard...live the day by missing pple...live the day with no aim....live the day with boredom n sorrow....live the day by fear of liking someone....wat kind of life do i have?.....
hahhaha...lihui u are mad mad mad....y are u so sad all the time??

i hope i do know the answer myself too....

just read clare's blog - she took the courage to tell him le....via jer...clare, i guessed u knew the answer rite fr the start but i know is sad to see that he havent put in effort to talk to u when u have been tryin so hard urself...clare, move on...
read cand's blog - she still missed him so badly....even though after so long....cand, i think u really have fallen into the pit le....cand, climb out asap ya? i know is hard but there are always 3 strong ropes to help u get out...u know which 3 ropes rite?....
read jer's blog - so coincidence that he liked green tea ice cream as well....jer i know is v irritating that u n him have so many similarities....esp when u have decided to forget him...but jer, think in this way ya...there are also many pple who loves the same stuff as u but u dunno them only ya?....

they had all told 'hims'....even clare did....haha left me?..... no i will not...coz...no one??

sch starting soon...sss

has been a long time since i last blogged....went for the csc chalet...he didnt come...n i dun feel anything...as in i dun feel angry sad or anything...my feelings for him has died? true or not? i not sure myself either...i only know tat this pit of him...i have already filled up the ground with soil n plants....no way m i going to fall into this pit again...no way....

made a turn n i almost fall into another one....one leg in ...the other out...so wat is this?
i also dunno....n i realised i cant be bother to find out anymore...i m tired....exhausted...i have no time no energy no xin qin to think abt such matters....

studies is piling up soon...v soon...csc n yep stuffs coming up as well....i hope i have done my part in csc....i dun want to be name as the irresponsible one....hope they can understand that i m fr archit n i m packed....

new studio new frens....old table old dennis old cherie....glad i wasnt in rj's grp if not i will have slap him....3 core modules n 1 ss 1 gem....many frens takin with me...great! wonderful!.....

this new sem i m stayin hall....eusoff hall...went in today...the room is okie..but i felt confined...i will be sad...coz i know no one there....i will be depressed during the nights...but who is going to care abt me?.....shifting in my stuff all by myself has already made me sad....if only i have a bf, i wouldnt be so pathetic...i have to carry all my heavy stuffs myself....n took bus...mum wants me to save $...dun allow me take cab....i feel sad....i have to clean the room myself as well...i cant reach the fan....the top of windows n cupboards...... jer cand n clare are helpin me tml to clean the room coz of....haha...well thanks rp mates!..i still appreciate ur help! haha....

new term new wishes.....wat shld i wish? ahha...just wish tat everyone ard is happier even though i m not....

same feeling...

same feeling trapped within me
i cant let go because
the door isnt open,so are the windows
i tot i will be shaken easily,so i have many inner locks
but i left the keys outside the door
subconsciously i did so... ...

why am i doing this?
i cant find the answer in my head
but i think it lies in the corner of my heart
there'll always be this space left for u
so i left the keys outside for u to come in... ...

i guessed u r the only one
the only key to let my feelings go away
the only one to unlock all the locks
the only one to lock all the locks as well
because u r the only one with the keys... ...

nv will i forget this song.... 

my last feeling for him...n the new year resolutions...

just came back fr esplanade...spent the last few hours of 2004 with cand, jer and clare....saw many couples ard...holding hands, hugging and kissing, taking photos with a bouquet of flowers,sweet talks everywhere...i am jealous...lonely....felt unwanted...2004 had ended...it has been 3 years since i broke up with my ex...have been spending festive seasons either alone or with gals frens....so where is my the other half ever going to appear??... maybe he will never appear...never...
i guessed i had managed to climb out 2 pits out of the 3 dark bottomless pits... but just as i have guessed so...this is the wrong pit to stay in as well....we arent compatible at all...not at all....everything is so clear after knowing wat he really feels inside... though i knew is impossible between the 2 of us, i still feel sad by wat i had learnt fr him today......to think that i was still talkin abt him during the last few hours of 2004 to my rp mates, i felt real stupid n dumb... ... ... ...
okie ...forget it lihui...is a new year now..a long year ahead 2005... i shld nt think of anyone anymore...my mind shall be filled with studies n studies n studies... ... anyway i m a nobody.... ya a nobody....so no one will ever bother or care abt a nobody... ... good...everyone is leaving me alone...good...i m leading my own life....good....i have all the time in the world with me n myself....good...v good....

will a list of new year resolutions make my life more organized? will i do it? i hope i really will....

1) i want to make myself happier by doing the things i like to do - sleeping, swimming, tanning n playing volleyball
2) i want to be myself - i dun want to bother n care abt how pple sees me as....they see me lousy rite? i m going to learn not to care or be affected by wat they said...
3) improve my grades - a must thing
4) i want to do more good deeds - i want to give tuition to the Chen Su Lan children...i wanna play with them...
5) i want my life to be more organized - with the right directions....
6) i want to learn driving after sem 2
7) i want to be more knowledgeable so i must read more books to upgrade myself...
8) i want my complexion to improve
9)i want to lose weight - by 5 kg! coz i wanna get rid of my baby face... shall cut down on fatty food such as ice cream, rice, cakes, chocolate n titbits
10) i want to give in my best effort in everything i do....
sorry that i have one more than my rpmates'....
11) i want to forget him....n carry on with my life the same old way...i really want to...

will i be able to abide to fulfill this list of resolutions alone? will i have the power, courage n energy to do it alone? ....i hope i can.....i really hope i can do it all by myself.....coz i dun think anyone will care abt me....so even if i fall, is my own business....i m left alone for this 2005....all alone....alone....