our dont's n do's fr 1st jan to 30th april

haha...rp day today...went ktv for free...sang songs madly...n ya i think SHE yi qi kai shi de lu cheng is our rp theme song....is v suitable for us....n also nice song....rp mates came my hse to check modules..cand slackin ard with my bloster..haha...then went for desserts! wow...we really enjoyin life ya!
anyway, coz of our shitty grades...we rp mates have this dont's n do's!

OUR DONT's
1-dont get attached fr this period - 1st jan to 30th april
but if we met with unforeseen circumstances we must have rpmates' approval first...haha..or else will get kick out of rp
2- dont cry n be troubled over the guys that we like
3- dont chat more than five times a week on msn
4-dont change our character becoz of our hims' - be ownself!
5-dont care!

OUR DOs'
1-do meet up with rp mates twice a month
2-do consistent studying!!
3-do pay attention in class n tutorials
4-do score at least 1 A n not C for exams!
5-do stay happy!

worst day i ever have...

got lousy grades..pathetic cap pts..others are like scoring above 4 lor... ... lousy hui= shitty grades..even rj got 4.3...wat is this? shit me! ..talked to rp mates for a while in the afternoon..
Went out for jc class gathering..only a few of us turned up..rest have all sorts of reasons for not coming..dun bother also...then ah ling came n pointed at me with her finger...give attitude to me during dinner.. sms her wat happen, she replied - only these 2 freaks come ...i came coz to give u face! - wow ! good la! this attitude to me! my fault that they came lah...they also in our class wat...they free they come la..e rest cant come my fault la?? she kept repeatin this till i said back - wat u want? they also in our class wat...wat is so big deal that u come? ur gang also fly kite..u can choose not to come also wat...no diff that u come n give me this attitude.. - ya i m fierce but i m super angry with her la...she jolly well know that her gang not coming n that e 2 freaks are coming wat....ya ya ya ya ALL MY FAULT LA!!! everything my fault!! went to pool to watch them played coz not in e mood to play..then i sms him..wanted to ask him to pei me go ktv one but in e end dun wan le...walked home...in fact strolled home with a heavy heart....

dec rp blog - ideal guy

okie i think i cant delay anymore..i shall post my ideal guy blog..or else i will be kick out of RP....

my ideal guy.....
1-taller than me...easy la coz i m short but must be at least 170cm...
2-can be reserved at times..coz i dun like noisy bf...
3-sporty n active ....coz i like sports n tanning..so he can pei me go tanning n play vb at sentosa
4-romantic...sorry coz i like to fantasie...long for fairy tales-liked relationship
5-no need to be rich...i dun like money 2 be an issue....
6-must not be egoistic or a male chauvinist! ...these type of guys turn me off most!
7-must be thoughtful n filial to family members n frens....the best bf to have rite?
8-a plus point - have telepathy with me....coz my ex n i had....
9-know how i feel even when i didnt say or show out.....i like to know each other's feelings thru seeing fr e eyes
10-can get along with my frens....i dun want to have the title of zhong se qing you! haha

easy rite? 10 only lor...then all so easy one...
but y is that that my status is still single?? haha....is not that my expections are high..is becoz i m lousy...
shitty character + lousy hui = single n childish lihui!

fisherman village is a cool n romantic place...

met singling shuhui n her bf in the afternoon..exchanged gifts n had dinner at some jap restaurant..quite exp..since i m on diet, i had a bowl of tofu n one ice cream waffle...hm..i skipped my lunch today...then met rp mates..went fisherman village...wow! a romantic place to spend with couples! definitely i have the wrong companion today!! on christmas eve!hahaha...
okie...they have their dinner there..exchanged gifts as well..i got a belt fr candice..the design quite cool ...haha got many holes! hope i can get into the last hole which meant i have slim slim waist!..pple i m on diet!! hehe.had put on weight this holiday!! fatty lihui!
well..we chatted alot at the beach...talked n sang songs n made wishes!! fun fun fun !!
actuali i dun have alot to say coz all time is clare doing the talking...i just pop out a few sentences now n then...but well we knew wat stage each of us have reached so far...n that we will move on as usual..nth much actuali...as per normal...same same all days long ahead....
rp mates asked me to write my blog on ideal guy asap coz dec is ending soon..shall write tml..i m tired....

another meaningful day with kids...love kids so much!!

went to kk hopsital to organise a christmas party with the children diagnoised with childhood cancer...they are so adorable,so young n so innocent...i love them so much...but dunno y e moment i see them smiled my heart hurts...maybe is becoz i feel sad for them...there is so much meaning behind each smile..n so much pain to express wat they really feel behind this little smile...they knew wat is going thru them although they are so young...but still they are kids...they need love, care n concern... their lifes are so fragile...have to receive treatment in the clinic now n then whenever they have relapses...be left alone without their family members at night in the wards...they nv knew wat will happen to them in the next minute or sec...they just carry on life with the every moment they have with their families and frens sharin the same ward...tml is a gift...

i m emtionally affected by wat i had seen today...i learnt to feel alot...as i played with them, e thought of not being able to see them as healthy, as lively n cheerful saddens me...shawn has such an handsome face - he might be a global model in the future!...adam has a smart look - he might be our future top scholar!...jacehey has the sweetest smile i had ever seen - she might our Ms Singapore!...there is so many 'might be'..will time allow these 'might be' to come true?... ... ... i feel sad..but cant cry out...

came home with a headache..dunno y..went to sleep till 11pm n came online...
talked to jer n clare...cand offline...he came online to tell me that he cant stay for e chalet coz he got to work...him n his work...money is all in his mind... ~ forget it hui...u cant be bother with these trival stuffs anymore...if they come, they come..if not i shall stay in the room n be entertained by clare ~ i m not going to organise for them since they cant be bother 2 reply despite my frequent floodin of emails... dun bully me, i m human as well..i will n can get real angry...try me if u dare...
received 5 sms fr him le n also a chirstmas card...i knew wat he wants...he asked me to forget wat he had done..but sorry i knew him too well, he had already done it for 5 yrs n i know unless i go invisible or he will persist...i m not the lihui he used to know n i know myself best...pls stop it...before i call back to scold him...

the social workers, mr wilson n the volunteers at kk 

back home

just came back fr malaysia..tired n restless..headaches coz sms kept comin in once i reached sing..y y? y do i have so many things not done yet? n y is he still smsing me? can he STOP IT!! i cant stand him anymore...i had made myself v clear each time n y does he still dun understand? i really having headache now...i feel like crying n hide inside my inner shell where there is no disturbance at all... ...

read rp mates' blogs...realised clare have had an account with zebra..wonder how was it... knew that cand still cant let go...jer? tired n restless fr working..no blog abt watermelon but i believed she still thinking abt him... n of course, read their blogs for their ideal partners...clare asked me to write too...

i dun feel like writing coz i m thinkin of someone else...which i believed he wasnt the ideal one that i used to wish for...
while travelling on the coach, i was listening to my discman n thinkin n missing of someone at the same time...i let myself down coz i had permitted him into my world again...i wonder y m i doing so...getting to lose myself in my love life...i m getting out of hand!

wat is the definition of ideal? the perfection of man kind? will there ever exist such one? we all know the answer but y are we still searching unconsciously? acception or rejection when one comes along? true love conquers all? or puppy love that develops becoz of a crush only? is there really wat pple say abt chemistry? or is it just an excuse to find better ones? ...y m i asking these then since i knew e answers best for myself?

maybe i will write my ideal one tml when i have a more refreshed mind...

fly fly fly... flying to my dreamy perfect world...

i m running...in the other direction..heading towards the path of no reality...
i m escaping... no courage to face up any questions that have been hanging over me for the past few weeks...

leave me alone...dun worry abt me...i m safe in the dreamy perfect world of my own...
thanks for offering to help me...but no amont of conuselling will help...

i m in a state of confusion...i refused to accept the fact...i rejected the world of reality... i m stubborn
i m flying to my world... dun join me coz is not the rite way to settle matters...

i will continue my routine...i will eat play n sleep... i will talk smile n laugh...
i will let time take over my heart, my mind n my soul....

a day feeling sad n down with no reason to start with... ...

just came back home after ktv...shld be feeling high after singing but i wasnt...not anywhere near to happy either...
sometimes sth just happen without a reason, no reason to start no reason to end..... love, somehow started somehow ended in almost every relationship...there seems like there is no more long lasting relationship existing now... ... is this true? i still long for fairy tales... ...

missing someone so dearly to just learn that the other party isnt feeling the same way is heartbreaking...my heart hurts every moment n every sec when i think of him... now i knew rejection isnt the worst circumstance to face after all, missing someone whom u know he wouldnt miss u as much is the worst... ...

sorry that i miss u, sorry that i think of u, sorry for me being with u all along, sorry for me sticking to u, sorry for everything, sorry that i fell into the pit, sorry for not having enough determination to climb out, sorry that i have a liking for u, sorry that i cant stop myself fr all these sorries... ...

i m not crying...but tears are trapped inside... .. there is a waterfall within me.....

meaningful day at ECP!

is really a wonderful day today....the children from chen su lan home came down to ecp for cycling..clar n i were there as volunteers ...hm...sad to say i went to the home only twice n didnt continue to stay on coz during the school term, my building module clashed with the visiting hours....so i wasnt officially attached to any kid or shld i say i wasnt close to the kids ya...

initially, i was sad becoz i tot i dont have any kid to look after so i could only cycle alone...but hahah!! becoz one of the kid's "jie jie" cant cycle so i took charged n look after a girl.her name was Theresa...when i first saw her, i was scared coz i tot i cant handle her...her face was black..probably becoz she was sad n angry that her jiejie cant cycle with her so i tot that she wouldnt like me...a total stranger to her... but i knew i have to overcome this fear so i broke the ice..:)...hm...firstly i have to change my "channel" to channel 5 ...funny...think i spoke too softly that she couldnt hear me so after a few times she gave up talking to me...luckily, i realised that n continued talkin to her...

okie we started cycling...did i forget to say i got a little phobia abt cycling?? coz i fell off a bike when i was in pri 6 at ECP!! n one thing, i cant cycle fast n well either..so when she started cycling, i was shocked n embarrassed! she can cycle so fast!! but ya...not steady... anyway, she cycled in front of me n i was at the back..making sure she didnt fall off the bicycle whenever she hears the ringing of the bicycle's bell coz she is scared of cyclers cycling behind her... so i told her to stop only if she hears me calling her, if not, continue to cycle n not get distracted whenever any bell rings...u know, sometimes people just love to play with the buzzer... *_* ...actually, i was cycling alongside with clar n her kid but Theresa just cycled along without waiting for them so i had to follow up rite? hahaha!! then when she finally pulled to a halt, she asked me where is her fren( also called Theresa) n clare! haha...i told her she is cycling v slowly coz she has phobia as well! hahaha...( clare sorry!! coz is the truth too!!) hm...she was curious as to waht phobia meant so i explained..i was glad that she asked coz this shows that she is keen in learning n she dont treat me as a stranger too!..i was delighted!

chatted very comfortably while cycling...at one point, she turned her head to talk to me n when she turned back, she couldnt brake in time n clashes onto the small bike in front..she fell off...i quickly attended to her...luckily, she has only a tiny cut but all over her legs were stained with the black oil...i brought her to the washroom n together with another teacher, we helped her cleaned up the stains...i was so anixous n worried that she might have other bruises that i kept asking her is there any other cuts?? pain anot??...she just smiled n said no...so sweet!..she even said a 'thank you"!! wow! the best moment to feel contributable to the society is when u received a thank you from the child!! i was really touched la!.....dun think i m being too emtional here coz i really feel good after hearing...really...is really a v meaningful day out with the kids...

as the dawn sets in, i feel sleepy...now i think i m going to take a nap..")...
having the chance to bring laughters to the kids is my greatest honour.....

pls put an end to this....

yes put an end to this.....i dun wan to live under such stress anymore....no more such funny feelings please....
i dun want to end up like a stupid fool...

yes funny feelings...towards 3 people..m i mad??? think i am...YES...i m mad...real mad this time! guess wat?? three different types of people walked into my life at different stages n upset my life...but dun think they ever know they had actually done so...who are these 3 people??? no i will not say....

okie...my 22th talked to me today...finally...finally finally....i saw him online but didnt approached him coz i simply dun want to...so i waited...n waited....then "pop" ! yes yaya...he talked to me...his starting was v sweet n nice...

" hey
long time no c ya
haha
how's life "

okie...i know is a v common n simple starting conversation but u know...a word from him is like ah... *** diamonds dropping fr the sky la...and the most crucial thing is ...is me....this mad n dreamy girl here...the one who had done the most embarrasssed thing in life...dun ask me what i had done n pls dun bother to guess...
just a week ago...he sms me a forwarded msg..is sth abt thinkin n dreamin for a person......although is just a forwarded msg, from my always-quite-true sixth sense as well as my almost-100% rite intuition, there is some intention behind this sms...okie dun scold me....i know u will be scolding me for anyhow thinking again ..for being too sensitive rite??...no no...this person's attitude towards pple is icy cold..rather cool at times...so that's y i tot this way....okie okie...i hope i m wrong...really wrong....coz i dun wanna fall into the pit again n again...i fell once..real deep inside....the pit is completely dark n cold...not a single sign for way out ...but well finally got myself out of the pit this jan after being in there for 1 year n 6 mths....yes this long....

then comes another pit...i fell into this pit myself....yes ya my fault...my fault...but i realised is a wrong pit n this time didnt fall too deeply inside....definitely less deeply as the first....

u got wat i meant?? i dun dare to go near any pit anymore but y y y are they treating me so nice??? n y must they all appear now ?? together?? tryin to make me fall in n be ego abt it issit??? i realised i m now at the edge of a pit...half way down another....n three-quarters way down the last pit....

is fine that u scold me crazy scold me mad scold me anything is okie coz i dun mind.....ya i feel the same way abt myself also.....i feel shitty....real shitty...rp mates can u all slap me??...

okie....lousy hui....

ya..me down with flu yet i was at ktv today!!...mad me...well though i wasnt feeling quite well i still came out coz it was a studio outing! but ....in the end how many turn up?? only 5 of us!! ...haha hope the next outing will have more pple...

ystd...
went to watch national treasure!(mel, if u r reading, i agreed with u that this show is worth watching!!)..nice show!...is funny..is abit touching...n is amazing! the clues are like so intelligently plotted!...wow! worth watching pple!...but the threatre too cold..caught the flu in the threatre.....went marche for dinner..haha we talked for a really v long time at marche lah...ya abt archit stuff...abt first impression...abt life style...abt almost everything lor....went home quite late...nearly 12midnight then reached home...

okie...tell u why i feel sad that v day...ya i said i realised that what i have been doing all seem to be so wrong.... ya true..i m a daydreamer, nv fail to fantasize so whatever i say or think is like nth to be considered of or shld i say pple usually dun listen to wat i said....first wrong thing....okie 2nd wrong thing...actuali is not a thing..is a fault...i dont know alot alot of stuff and yes..my language is lousy lousy....esp those topics that my frens talked abt...i feel stupid feel inferior coz i realised i dunno anything abt them...really...that's y i hate to accept wat pple said abt the good things abt me if they ever feel so coz they are wrong wrong wrong....not that i m sayin i m good or wat...is that i really dun feel anything good in me...i m not trying to play pathetic here or act pityful here...is like...aiya dunno how to say la!! i m just too lousy!..i know where my limits are...i know i know....

dun feel like writing le...think i having slight fever...n ya still having flu n sore throat....
n tml still hav to go back campus for vb....i dun wanna go but dunno how to reject....stupid me...st
upid stupid...

too many things had happened...

today was a tiring day for me...went to j8 for some supposed-to-be gift wrapping volunteering work but it turned out to be a stoning day for me...didnt sleep much last nite coz we rp mates went to jer house n stay over the night to talk....ya talked...and within that night too much things had happened...

in the morning, we went to buy stuff and within an hour we prepared a feast for only just the four of us! i cooked the jap curry! hm...i quite like my cooking...doesnt taste too bad! hehe... i had always wanted to be able to cook for my future partner...the feeling of cooking for him will be so sweet n loving... u know wat..i got scolded by my rp mates...coz i fantansize too much le...i m always dreaming....ya really dreaming ..is not thinking anymore is dreaming....
went to hard rock cafe for dinner then played pool at cuppage...we had great fun at the pool table coz we are simply too too lousy!...we took such a long time to get in the black ball!...anyway, got back to jer house at 1.30pm.... n we went online...this is when many things unfolded...

i nv knew that within a few hours so much things can happen..the truths were out...for both cand n clare...
to clare: clare sorry...i actuali didnt want to hint him anything de but jer was thinkin of helpin u since we all 4 rp mates are here...though we didnt conclue anything for him, i guessed we all knew wat he is thinking in his mind ...i knew u are affected even though u had sort of mental prepared urself but i knew u are still feeling sad n down... clare, stay strong... u dun have to act unreal just for him...we are genuine...there is no wrong in the real u...is his way of thinking n his stupid concept for 19 yrs old girl... we were nv get to understand him coz he is too pessimistic....clare, carry on with life happily!
to cand: i know u are v sad...in fact terribly sad....sorry that i didnt do much to console u or help u find things out coz i really dunno how to...i tot maybe u wun rather not want to know the answer...but i know is hurtful to wait for the answer...cand, dun cry anymore...pls...ur eyes are puffy again le...sorry cand...is not tat i m not thinking for u or arent concern abt u that i kept quiet for most of the time last nite..coz i tot my way of thinking is too unrealistic and not pragmatic...but do stay strong...just pretend nth has happened...:)

jer, bon voyage! do enjoy e trip! take this chance to set ur mind free of unhappy stuffs...rp mates misses u!

u know wat...i feeling rather sad now coz it seems like whatever i had been doing or had done, all seem so wrong... i shall not say today...too sad to pen down my feelings right now...

tml going out for movie! finally someone is treating me nachos! though i sore throat i dun care! *dun care* motto~~rp mates' motto! haha...

cute?? haha... 

jer n cand 

clar n me 

at hard rock cafe.. 

wat i feel after reading......

a slacking day for me....i haven had this kind of day since i stepped into nus!...had been going out every single day since my last paper ended on thur...see?? now know y i m broke le ba....

had been reading my RP mates' blog.....they all cried after reading each other's blog....but y m i not crying?? i guessed i m immuned...or maybe i really dun feel anything after so much things had happened...to them as well as to me myself.....

listening to the song "what are frens are for" by the singapore idols last few finalists....nice song....delicate to my RP mates..
jer pls eat...dun ever skip meals again...dun torture urself...i know is hard but stay strong...sorry i cant help much...coz i dunno wat to do....
cand, i dun really know wat happen but i think u are affected by the girl ya...stay strong....u nv know wat will happen coz he has yet make any move.....dun cry le....eyes will hurt...puffy eyes not cute le..
clar, think u are the most clear n stable among us ba...i mean u know wat to do although u feel sad deep inside too...well, hope u stay cheerful everyday!

haha...u know wat?? he approached me today n guessed wat? we talked v normally n as causal as at the v beginning when we started talking on msn....the thing is he approached me first...i was quite shocked...ya abit happy too but i realised not as happy n as exicted as before...yy?? i asked clar this qn....she told me sth which i think is quite true... she said i m too confused in my heart n in my mind...i got to make clear of wat i need n want exactly....if not i will always stay this way....blur n more blur....
pls dun treat me good ..dun treat me nice...if not.....

finally someone asked me out for a movie!! i have been waiting for people to catch movie with me! haha...u know wat?? ....i waiting for someone to ask me for a movie but is that him is not the other him...(rp mates, u will know who)...m i v bad?? v hua xin?? v er xin?? v tai xin?? i feel like slapping myself for thinking this way.....

is late...gotta sleep le...tml is a long day for me! cooking up a feast at jer house!

sec buddies....missing out ping n clar 

a part of me is not right.....

i feel weird.....a part of me is not feeling good...not the right feeling to have....or shld i say i shldnt be feeling this way?? ... i dunno y m i feeling this way.....i hope i know the answer too....
issit because i m jealous?? or do i envy them??....i feel rather sad....coz is not me....

just came back from town....walked fr bugis to boat quay.....my legs are tired .....but i had great fun...i spend quality time with my old buddies! ... met singling in the afternoon..she updated me abt her stuffs...she seems lost and sad....hope she will get over it soon ya! ... met up 5 old sec buddies! ...candice, clarice jerene, xiaoyun and rosalyn...we kept talking like there is no tml...coz we have so much to catch up with one another!

i realised the view at boat quay is v romantic...jer mentioned that that place is not meant for a group of pple...n i agreed with her totally....i realised i really yearn to come to that place with my bf ( if only i have one)
hahah!! i m daydeaming again.......

my dearie studio mates!

my studiomates!...alwayzz remembering all of u!

just ended my studio chalet at pasir ris on the 2nd...
what shld i say?? is really a wonderful chalet...i sort of missed the times with them....at the wild wild wet, at the bbq pit...around the" mahjong table"....
firstly we went shopping for food together as a whole studio...i thought this was a good thing coz we did everything all together as a big family! no one is left out! ...then we went back and prepare the food....hahha... melvin and weijun used hands to marignate the chickens!! me, daniel and grace settle the vege...stupid dennis didnt wash the tray before putting in the nice nice kebabs!! hahha but we finished preparing everything so quickly!! see? the power of groupwork!

okie then we went wild wild wet!!! so fun!! hahaha...i realised i played all the games even though i m scared!! ( haha is mel who reminded me that i was brave la! ) some of the rides huh really no fun lah....like that open canal ride....so boring..waste our time queueing!! but the group ride was great la!haha although i was the only girl in the float with 4 other "cockcroaches" (ops! who are these 4?? mel dan renjie wenyao!),we had fun splashing water at each other! but then, the guys splashed more on me la!! .... : P
aiyo the wave pool scare me la! so deep! i cant reach the ground!! i so scare lor...then the stupid float so high cant get up all the time....(thanks daniel for lending me ur knees to step on! hahah)....haha!! me weijun and grace had such fun just to get onto the float lor..we kept capsizing!! haha.... oh ya!! the guys are bad!! they overturned me so many times!! kenneth! all his ideas!! see??? they knew i cant reach the ground but still overturn me?? they are so bad!! made me so pathetic lah! luckily they still got the heart to lend me their hands to hold on lah..or else i will just drown!! hahah.....but was fun!! : )

back at the pit...wow dennis xingyun n olivia already there starting the fire!! by the time i finished my bath, food was ready!! haha kenneth barbarqued without wearing his clothes!! he sweating like mad la! haha...wow the food is gorgoeous!! i love the hotdog,the garlic bread n the orange squash!! ( i prepared one!!) heheheh....well as usual...we talked abt the same topic again! hahah....see?? the studio guys are always like tat! hhaha...they always tot i dun understand wat they talking abt...so were more" clean" in their discussions when i m ard lah...haha but u know wat...i understand lor! hahah....but is okie .. sort of listening to some educational lesson??!! hehehe...

i want to kill daniel!!! he made me cried 2 times in the chalet!!! first he scared me when we played the ghostly game...then 2nd night at the mahjong table! he so fierce la!! keep scolding me! i really freaked out lor...i nv knew i was so scare till i stood there and tears just starts flowing out....all his fault!

wow!! long blog! but i have yet to finish! haha too much feelings to convey to all those who are reading!!
hey, dearie studio mates! i missed every single one of u! i dunno wat to say but hope we are still as close when the semster starts! i really dun one to be separated with anyone of u ya....take care everyone! all the best!!!

RP Mates!! 

just me.....first time....

hello.....my first time to write a blog....actuali not use to writing out my feelings so openly lah..hahah... but well, all my frens are doing it so might as well join in the fun!

haha...i m super tired today la..went out with d***** lah...then went to eat at cartel lor... he ordered a big plate of pork riks lah then cant finish...ask me to finish up ....u know lor...i will say " is super fattening! still ask me to eat???" hahha...but i did tried a few mouths la...not too bad but the taste is v sick when u eat too much. ..

then went KTV!!! my treat to him la~~haha although there are only the 2 of us....still quite fun la...hahah coz is his first time in KTV so he looks like mountain tortoise in the room lor! haha but well, he still can sing la (haha.....u shld know wat i meant) ...me sang most of the time lah....throat pain now lor...ALL his fault!

well, just saw "rotijohn" come online.....he definitely wun talk to me la.....but stil i always stay abit longer online when he is online.... also dunno y .... i shldnt be doing this coz i already knew that is impossible! dunno y i still so bu ding hua la...??

nvm...forget abt him....is a story in the past...okie tml meeting many old frens!!!great!! long time no see each other le(okie jer n clar i seen u two enough le) hahah but hope dun spend too much money coz i no money le!!! sad sad ..:( :(